Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
