do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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