i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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