Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
