our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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