so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
