you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
