This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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