Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
