My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
