Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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