Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
