these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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