i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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