That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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