I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
