where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone threw a dead crab at me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
