it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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