saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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