I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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