I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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