Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
