He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
