Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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