I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
