I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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