i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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