Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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