is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
