why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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