Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
