Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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