I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
