JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
