It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
