i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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