I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
