I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
