Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
BRING THE BAGELS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
