Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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