She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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