I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
