do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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