I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
