i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and she was petting her beer can
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
