The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
