And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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