i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
