My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Holy shit dude........stairs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
