Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
