She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
