textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
