Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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