how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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