I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
