I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
