remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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