Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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