you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
