I hate your face
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
